Episode 100 - Ray Windum's Insights into Overcoming Addiction and Embracing Recovery

When we come face to face with our darkest moments, what is the spark that ignites change? Ray Windum, an addictions counselor and Heal Your Life coach, shares the story of his transformation from a troubled past to a beacon of hope. As a child exposed to hard times, Ray turned to addiction as his refuge, only to encounter a profound realization that steered him toward sobriety and aiding others in their battles against personal demons.

 Ray unveils the power behind those pivotal breakthroughs that reshape lives. We explore the intricate dance between past experiences, beliefs, and the present self, delving into how we react to life's boiling points—be it softening like a potato or hardening like an egg— Ray's insights into the nature of addiction, particularly alcohol, offer a stark look at the yearning for something beyond the substance. His wisdom casts a light on the essential first steps to recovery, understanding the allure of escape and the necessity of confronting what we seek to numb.

 Ray leaves us with a powerful reminder of the influence one's personal journey can have on the world. The episode is a tribute to the indomitable human spirit and its capacity to overcome and transcend life's myriad challenges. Ray's story is a catalyst for listeners to harness their inner strength and navigate their path to healing and growth.

To learn more about Ray, check out his Facebook group.
To learn more about Heal Your Life® training, click HERE.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hello, beautiful listeners and viewers, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I have with me today Raymond Windham, and he is an addictions counselor that I had the privilege of meeting in person recently. We were at the Heal your Life training event in Banff for 10 days and this man is super fabulous and I'm so excited to share him with you all. Ray has an amazing story to share, beautiful insights. He is wise, wise, wise and just keeps dropping these truth bombs, so I'm so excited for this podcast. Welcome to the podcast, ray.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hi, victoria. It's great to see you again and to talk. The training was amazing. I learned so much, even just about myself, so it's a privilege to be on here with you and to talk.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Wonderful. Thank you. Well, you know that's really the whole secret of life, isn't it? It is really learning about ourselves. And, ray, I know that you and I have shared a bit of our stories with each other, and you know I might have worn a t-shirt that said you know, I learn lessons the hard way, but I'm over that and I don't need to learn those lessons the hard way anymore. But so many of us have been down, you know, a rough path and one path looks different than the other and we bring out different lessons to help people, and I know that's something that you're very passionate about as an addictions counselor as well as as a Heal your Life coach and workshop teacher. So let's just start at the beginning. Where would you like to start sharing your story from?

Speaker 2: 1:47

Oh well, let's see. Originally I was born in Watson Lake in the Yukon, but I was raised in Whitehorse. So where to start? Let's see? I had a very, very troubled childhood. There was a lot of abuse and neglect just upon me. It was a lot of favoritism in the family. I was, as you could say, like the black sheep of the family and kind of unwanted, and unfortunately that led to a lot of issues in my teen years and my young adult of uh issues in my teen years and my young adult drank a lot and, you know, just partied, did drugs and stuff like that. Uh, eventually I wound up on the streets. I was, uh, you know, living on the streets, staying at the shelters and drinking a vast amount, like the amount of alcohol that I would drink. People were just like surprised and I'm like, oh, that's just like another Tuesday yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Well, that must have been a really like. When I think about the Ray, I know now and the Ray back then, that must have been a very scary time for you. While you were going through it, did you recognize that it was scary and dangerous, or how did that feel?

Speaker 2: 3:08

on actually like it was. When I think back on it, like there's a lot of like. It was like normal, like, um, I told people like I used to get picked up by the cops and go to the drunk tank three to four times a week and to me it was just like everybody goes to the drunk tank, like it was a normal part of life. It wasn't until, like, I got sober I was just like, yeah, that's like not normal, not normal at all. So like even like being drunk at one in the afternoon, passed out in the middle of main street, like I didn't really see it as a bad thing. In a way, it was just like, oh, okay, yeah, this is just kind of my life.

Speaker 1: 3:49

So you know I'm drawing a parallel to what you're sharing now, to what you said just a few minutes ago about your childhood. You know, feeling like the black sheep and feeling unwanted. And I think that when we are raised in that feeling, where we feel unwanted or a black sheep, or maybe we feel like everyone else comes before us, their needs come before ours.

Speaker 1: 4:15

That also is our normal and we just think that's the way it's supposed to be. You know, if we're being, say, for example, if a person is being physically abused, and they think, okay, well, this is the normal, this is what's what happens to children, you know, I did something wrong, just like you were saying with the drinking and the drunk tank and the passed out that that is normal. So at what point did you recognize, uh, that the normal was going to well, or did you recognize that that normal was going to mean the end of your life, like what? What was that defining moment where you started to take steps to come out of where you were at, take steps?

Speaker 2: 5:02

to come out of where you were at. Oh, the choice I made, because I drank really heavily, because I was really depressed and I had a lot of like suicidal thoughts and all that. And a lot of the times, like when people think suicide, you know, they just think. You know just ending it at that moment. But it also comes like with not taking care of yourself. You know just ending it at that moment, but it also comes like with not taking care of yourself. You know, I'm smoking lots of cigarettes hoping that one day you'll get cancer. I'm not eating. Well, you know when you're getting yourself sick.

Speaker 2: 5:35

And mine was to get really drunk to where I would hope that I would die in a blackout, either pass out in the snow and freeze to death or get run over.

Speaker 2: 5:46

And then it just came to a point where it wasn't happening fast enough. So then that's when I did my suicide attempt. I tried to hang myself in a bathroom with a belt and, um, it was, uh, the point where it started getting dark. The darkness was closing in and I realized that I didn't want to die. So I took the belt off and cops were called on me because I made a big thing about it and I went to the drunk tank and into the hospital and realized that you know like I wanted to die so bad when I was drinking. And then, when the time came for me to die, I realized I didn't want to die and I was like you know what? I got? To give up alcohol because that was one of the main reasons why I drank so heavily it was because I wanted to die. And then, realizing I didn't want to die, I decided to quit wow.

Speaker 1: 6:42

So I never. First of all, thank you for sharing that story with us, and and I too never knew that story about you, and I think what happens and correct me if I'm wrong is that you know we're feeling awful, so we drink for the relief of those feelings, but they're not recognizing that alcohol deepens that depression. And you know it's just a spiral. I think in life we're either spiraling up or we're spiraling down, but we're always in some state of movement. And so you, you had that moment of actually I don't want to die, so something's got to give. Um, and what was your next move?

Speaker 2: 7:27

oh well, um, I was working at Tim Hortons and I, you know, had still had all this time. So I got myself three jobs. I got, uh, worked in the morning at a Mark's Warehouse and Tim Hortons and also gave myself like a little challenge to kind of keep me in that environment. So I worked as a bouncer at a bar. So from the time I woke up to when I went to bed I was busy. I had no time or energy to drink after that.

Speaker 1: 7:59

Good for you, good for you.

Speaker 2: 8:01

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 8:02

That is really incredible and it shows such incredible inner strength and, frankly, I think you have to have a lot of inner strength to stay alive on the streets too.

Speaker 2: 8:20

I remember one time I passed out by the riverbank. I was out for a couple hours. I woke up and they were still there and I was like, oh, like, you guys are still here and they're like we don't leave our own. And it came to a shock because I passed out when I was younger with my friends. Wake up and they're gone.

Speaker 1: 8:39

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:42

They're out having fun doing what?

Speaker 1: 8:44

we do Well and thank you for sharing that um I I think it's important for us all. It's so easy to be callous in this world and forget that the people who are struggling um are are, you know, beautiful human beings as well, and I don't think anyone ever wakes up one day and says, hey, you know what? I think I'm going to become a homeless, alcoholic or drug addict. It's just this series of events that keeps building and building back to that spiral right, spiraling down and down and down, until we end up with that situation where we have nothing left. But I'm so glad that you had people that were watching out for you. So how long have you been sober now, ray?

Speaker 2: 9:27

I've been sober since August 18, 2014. Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 9:33

Coming up on that 10-year anniversary.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Oh, that's fantastic.

Speaker 1: 9:37

And so now you work in addictions, and I know that I mean, I'm just imagining how fulfilling that would be for you.

Speaker 2: 9:47

tell me, mom oh well, currently where I live, like it's a little slow, like I'm in a little community, but I do a lot of community engagements. I do like adult night, where you know they bring the community together, we do sports and games and stuff like that. Or I'll do like community barbecue and jam nights.

Speaker 1: 10:07

That's pretty good.

Speaker 2: 10:09

I've only been at this job for a couple of months, but beforehand, for the last couple of years, I've been working with a lot of people with addictions and homeless, working in shelters and as a street outreach, and that was that was very fulfilling. That was. You see a lot of things and I experienced a lot of traumatic things, but I understood that went with the job. But just to be able to connect with them and for them, because they knew, because to them I wasn't just a clock-in nine-to-five guy, Like they know, you know, being First Nations, being a recovering alcoholic also living on the streets. So like you know, like you know, you know what it's like, like you're one of us, but you made it.

Speaker 1: 10:52

And it was.

Speaker 2: 10:53

That was very fulfilling and rewarding. I still miss my old clients.

Speaker 1: 10:59

Yes, yes. So tell us now you came in, you did this Heal, your Life training where you really learned to really hands-on experience some of those things that I'm sure you already had as a foundation, but things like being able to work on some of that inner healing from childhood and we all have childhood trauma. You know, I'm not putting this on anybody's parents. We all just did the best we can, you know, myself included as a mom, yourself included as a father, I'm sure. And so what? What do you see on the horizon for you as far as helping other people to break through the, the barriers that are holding them back?

Speaker 2: 11:46

Let's see Like it's just like. For me, the joy is just like the like. When we did that on the coaching test runs, it was just such a rewarding feeling just to see the aha moment in them when they're piecing together, when I'm just coaching them, and they're like holy crap, like yeah, this, this really ties into this. And then they realize that a lot of their issues tied in with their personality and their mindset of today. That goes back to their childhood and I was just like wow, that's.

Speaker 2: 12:20

That's incredible how you were able just to word it and place it like that. And let myself figure it out as well.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Well, and you know that's the thing is that so many of our beliefs, you know, may or may not even be true, but they're true for us. And you know things that we believe that we have developed in childhood, and some of them are great and they keep us safe and really feed our life. And others, you know, we can be willing to let go of and consider another point of view. And, ray, you're an absolutely excellent coach. Coach in terms of when we did the, the heal, your life coach practice sessions, and I know your clients were having real breakthroughs. And while we're on that subject, I'm going to do a little plug for you, for those who want to connect with Ray.

Speaker 1: 13:08

Ray has a Facebook group. It's called Raymond Wyndham healing within, and I will put the link for that in the show notes. One thing that I absolutely loved about you, ray, was these little gems of wisdom that you would share with us, uh, when we were together for those 10 days, and one of them was this quote the same boiling water that softens a potato hardens the egg, and so what does that mean to you?

Speaker 2: 13:33

it's oh, for me it's um kind of gotta think like it's um. It's the same as, like you know, have two people who are in the same environment but that environment does different for person a to person b. So you know, like when I, if I were to have two different rays in my childhood, one could be extremely traumatized by the events and it breaks them, and the other one it strengthens them, which for me I'm kind of both.

Speaker 2: 14:09

It was really traumatic and it kind of broke me, but in the long run I grew, I grew stronger from it broke me but in the long run I just I grew, I grew stronger from it, kind of live with it and not let it live through me, if that makes sense Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 14:25

It puts you back in control, you know for for being able to make those choices, and you know life really is just such a series of choices that we make. And, and you know, I believe, and of course, within that, heal your Life community. We believe that you know, every thought we think and every word we speak is creating our future, and so those strong words of affirmation are what help us to move forward in life. And certainly in your situation, you could have chose to stay where you were or even just to maintain sobriety as a bare minimum, but I admire you so much for your ability to not only to get sober but to commit your life to making a difference for other people as well people as well, and I just want to.

Speaker 1: 15:15

You know, maybe some of you are listening and you're thinking okay, but I can't relate to being homeless or being on the street, and I also do a lot of work in addictions and I find it remarkable I was surprised by this that most of my clients are women 20s, 30s, 40s who started with that one glass of wine while they're making supper that is now turned into, you know, one to two bottles of wine by the time the evening is done, and how it just kind of sneaks up on you that way. And I would be interested to know from your point of view, ray, when someone has kind of fallen into the routine of drinking, um, how do like, what are some of the first steps to breaking out of that habit?

Speaker 2: 16:04

well, especially like with addiction and alcohol, because alcohol is so insidious like even when I was living on the streets I didn't think of myself as an alcoholic. But like, um, when you have to look, like especially at addiction, it's like not like the bad that they're getting out it, but like what's the good that they're getting out of the substance that they're using. You got to like really look in their life like, um, what are they getting out of it that they normally don't get during their life?

Speaker 1: 16:33

right and for many people.

Speaker 2: 16:35

I think sorry it's like that, that, that good feel in the sense of like peace and relief, and escape they normally don't get.

Speaker 1: 16:43

Yeah, the escape yes, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I really like that. So you know, if you're listening to this today and you're resonating a little bit too, am I I using alcohol, cannabis, whatever, scrolling on your phone, shopping whatever that addiction might be, and you're thinking to yourself, okay, am I using that as an escape? Or do I have a healthy relationship with, for example, my phone? Or do I have a healthy relationship with a glass of wine? I guess that's the question. What are you using it for right? What is the payback? What are you getting from it? And then deciding if that is, in fact, a healthy escape and what do you need it Like? What do you need to process so that you don't feel the need for escape?

Speaker 2: 17:32

Yeah, and like it affects people differently, like I've known people who've drank for 20, 30 years but they've always been socially. You know they after work they go for a couple beers with their friends, they go home and continue on their life. And then there are there are people who are like me, who they need to drink at all like I if somebody came over and was like, yeah, I got a six pack.

Speaker 2: 17:52

I was like, what's the point of drinking a six-pack? Oh, we just hang out socialized. But in my mind it's like, well, I'm not even going to get a buzz from that, so it's like almost a waste of my time yeah, yeah it's very much that all or nothing thinking.

Speaker 2: 18:07

Yeah yeah and like, because, especially with addiction and like alcoholism, it's, it's self-diagnosis like you really got to look at within when you're going through those issues. You know, like, and it goes back into the thing. I always say that accountability is an addict addict's bane, you know it's. You know, being really hung over for work, you know, if you keep going stuff like that or you're, you're missing out on things because you'd rather go and drink or you're too sick and hung over, it's you got to kind of look within yourself to really ask yourself, like, do I have a problem? And it takes a while because some people, you know, like their pride gets in the way, their ego, like I'm not an alcoholic. Because then they just they, they have a negative image of their head of, like you know, a homeless person or somebody from the show, intervention, like even somebody who has a great profession, a teacher, you know, or you know somebody really successful who just drinks and like, oh no, like I'm, I'm this type of person, I can't be an alcoholic.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Right, right, it's true, it's very true, that it can be a little harder to take responsibility and be accountable, for as long as you can use logic to reason that out, like I haven't lost my license, I still have a home, I'm fine, I'm not an alcoholic. But again, going back to what Ray was saying, ask yourself what are you getting from it, right? What's the perk? You know? And if the perk is escape, what am I not processing? You know? What is it that I am avoiding? What is it I'm escaping from? And taking a look at things from that side of things, and then and then a person has the opportunity to really go back and do the healing that they need for their life in order to break those patterns and move forward.

Speaker 2: 19:56

Yeah, because that's how it was for me, because I was a functioning alcoholic. I always, I was always working, even when I'm living on the streets, I knew people. They would hire me for side jobs here, or I just go and work here and there and I just be like, well, I can't be an alcoholic because I'm always working. An alcoholic doesn't work.

Speaker 1: 20:15

Yeah, so interesting, right, and I'm going to swing that back around to the other things that we get addicted to and I'm going to stay on the phone. The theme of the phone.

Speaker 2: 20:25

Right.

Speaker 1: 20:26

And so same thing. Well, I'm not addicted to my phone. I I have to check this for my work, I have to look at this for that, and but I see it all the time. As such and myself do I have to really stay vigilant as a way of escape, as a way of not interacting with other human beings, as a way of making sure you don't have time to think. You know you can just, instead of actually sitting and thinking about hey, I'm actually upset with my husband and I need to have a conversation. Well, I'd rather go on TikTok and just avoid the whole thing, right.

Speaker 1: 21:00

And so, looking at your life, I encourage you all, viewers and listeners, to look at your life. Take a peek, say where am I displaying addictive behavior, what's the payoff? Why am I doing it? And that gives you that great chance to just really reassess things and maybe recognize something that you might have missed if you didn't take those steps and take a look at that. So, ray, any final words for our listeners and our viewers.

Speaker 2: 21:30

I can do. You know a little tip that helped me a lot, especially when I um, when I first quit drinking, I would, you know, I'd be craving and I just like you know what, I'm just gonna go. So I just find myself walking to the liquor store and then I just kind of stop, take a deep breath and be like you know what I'll drink tomorrow, and then I go home and then tomorrow would come and you could use that. You know, it doesn't even have to be the next day, especially people who want to quit smoking cigarettes. You get a craving every so often. You'd be like you know what, in a half hour, in an hour, maybe in 10 minutes, after this, after this, because then you keep doing that, it becomes second nature, because it's consistent. You just keep doing it.

Speaker 2: 22:09

And then, even now, even now, like I can hang out with people who are drinking and all that, I'll still crave it. I'll crave the rest of my life, but it doesn't bother me. I have the tools to help. And yeah, you know, it's just, it's an everyday thing, but you can take it from me. It gets better. Life gets so much better. I haven't been this happy when I was drinking. It was a fake happiness.

Speaker 1: 22:36

That's right, that's so true. An amazing final note, and I love that tip as well, ray. So thank you so much for sharing that with us and thank you so much for being on the show. I cannot wait to just watch you run forward and continue to help other people and make a difference in the lives of others, and to continue to do your own personal work and that personal growth that gives us the strength to do that and move forward. So thanks again for being on the show. It's great to have you.

Speaker 2: 23:05

Thank you very much. It was a pleasure being on here.